Clippers Banner Ceremony
How many subscribers to have my body hung in the rafters in the crypto.com arena when I die?
Ladies and gentlemen, my family are dying. We have been bereft of rom coms for what feels like an eternity. In days long gone by, we would gather together and revel at any number of star pairings falling for each other on screen. Those days are over. Film studios began to focus their efforts on big-budget blockbusters rather than mid-budget romcoms. They failed us. We fail ourselves. We lie feeble at each others feet, desperate for a drop of movie magic juice in a barren desert.
People have accused us of being overdramatic; that there were plenty of rom coms released in 2022.
However, I have decided these don’t count for the following reasons:
Ticket To Paradise - They didn’t end up together
Bros - Was advertised to the point I didn’t want to see it
Shotgun Wedding - Hasn’t technically been released yet
Meet Cute - No
The Lost City - Too much adventure
I Want You Back - Too little adventure
Fire Island - Doesn’t fit my narrative
Thankfully, an end to our suffering is in sight. Romcom queen Reese Witherspoon is making her long awaited return to prestige-less content in Netflix’s Your Place On Mine, and finally my children’s eyes will see sunlight. From Sweet Home Alabama, to Just Like Heaven, to almost definitely one or two others, a saviour will come unto us. And she joins forces with Ashton Kutcher, whose romcom prowess includes that one with Natalie Portman, and the Super Bowl Cheetos advert where he sang with his wife, Mila Kunis, and their unicorn, Shaggy. Our long national nightmare is over. My family gathered around this promo image and warmed our hands over the visible chemistry between these two stars. Bless us all.
I watched a movie from start to finish in one sitting with no distractions for the first time this year, and that movie was M3GAN. Fun! The only real issue I had is wondering why they made M3gan look so much like an Olsen sister:
Do not think you can sneak a petite blonde with a strong jawline past me, I have reverse face-blindness when it comes to these women. That said, I do suffer from reverse reverse face-blindness when it comes to Allison Williams, whose face I will not commit to memory, in spite of her being one of the titular Girls and me being registered with the Democratic Feminists of America (Pokemon Go To The Polls Office).
Allison Williams is left-handed in M3GAN (2022)
And that’s it for this week! Thank you looking at all these pictures, we’re having fun!