Draymond Green: Podcast Addict
Much like the NBA finals, Jayson Tatum has had no impact on this post
May, 2004
“So, obviously yesterday was a bad one, twenty two people were massacred in Khobar, and like I said, of course we feel some responsibility for it, you’re not gonna hear me blaming anyone else for my shortcomings, I’m my own man and that’s just that. But when I look back on it - you know you hear all the chatter, you hear the noise, everyone saying our enhanced interrogation techniques aren’t working, Ammar’s just telling us what we want to hear - when I look back on it, I think I let it all get into my head. My intensity level was down, I was overthinking, I played myself. And like I said, we have to live with the consequences of that. But we’re resilient as a team, we’re not gonna let this loss define us, and I think for me, the biggest adjustment I can make is coming out and being Draymond Green.”
June, 2004
“We got the win, as I told you guys, we’re gonna come out and respond after a loss like the one in Khobar, and we did that. Obviously, led by Dan and Maya, unbelievable performances getting Ammar to talk - we’ve all heard the slander, all the talk around them, blah blah blah, they’re ineffective, Dan’s too focussed on his monkeys, they’re never gonna get any useful information - and if you know anything about the CIA, you expect us to come out and respond, and we did. We’re leaving with the name Abu Ahmed al-Kuwaiti, the personal courier for bin Laden. Dan and Maya were locked in from the very beginning, and I’ve seen this coming in their eyes the past couple days, you could feel it. So credit to them, having leaders with a clear gameplan who are gonna carry us on their shoulders makes the job so much easier. And that’s my point, we’re doing this well and I’m not working at my best, Jessica’s still feeling it out, when we’re all operating at 100%, and we start supporting them like they’ve been supporting us? Unstoppable.”
July, 2005
“We back! We were able to have a face to face meeting with Abu Faraj al-Libbi, which was absolutely huge, you know, we’ve been moving in silence for a while and it felt good to get back to what we do best. So, first of all, shouts to Joe Bradley for hooking us up, Chief really put us in a position to win this one, it always feels good to know you have the full support of your organisation, there’s no one else I’d rather be working for, they’re the best in the world at what they do.
So, we get this meeting, Maya’s running this guy down, like, she’s done her homework. Now, baring in mind, we already have intelligence connecting Ahmed to bin Laden, like, we’re ready for this, but Faraj starts acting like he doesn’t know anything about Abu Ahmed. Like, come on, we know you know him. He’s trying to play us like we’re dumb, but we see the game different, and Faraj denying that he knows anything about him played right into our hands. Now we got you, it’s game over. With that he lets us know, like, Ahmed is WAY more important to them than we know. So for us, it was a great reminder that these terrorists are beatable. Obviously, you hear all the talk saying that we weren’t taking them seriously, that we were acting like it was a foregone conclusion that we were gonna win, and credit to them, they’ve been working hard, but we work smart. They’ve shown weakness now, so we have to make our moves, now’s our time.”
December, 2009
“First of all, I wanna address this idea that me talking so much on here about our gameplan led to the Camp Chapman attack--” [cuts off here, rest of podcast is static]
I - a person whose only viewing experience of the Terminator franchise is limited to having seen the first hour of Terminator 2 probably eight separate times - watched the entirety of Terminator: Dark Fate, based solely on the fact that one of the main characters is called Grace Harper (famous name). Somewhat disappointingly, she is only referred to as Grace in the movie, and her surname was revealed in a passing comment by director Tim Miller during the film’s premiere. At no point during Dark Fate does anyone address her as Grace Harper, nor any of the common nicknames experienced by other Grace Harpers (Gracey, Graceface, Harper, Dumb Slut). Nevertheless, here is the official list of ways in which we, the Grace Harpers, differ:
Terminator: Dark Fate Grace Me: Normal Fate Grace Enhanced human Regular human Soldier assassin Freelance audio engineer Thrives under the pressure of a 1v1 fight to the death against an Scared of bees unkillable machine Sent to the present from the future On normal timeline Proficient gymnast Adequate forward roller Metabolism tuned for short, Metabolism tuned for eating bag intense bursts of Trader Joe's Sweet, Savory, and Tart trex mix in one sitting Has only been stabbed once Has been stabbed multiple times (cut chunk out of finger opening packet of cheese) Can slice a fly in half in mid-air Not trying to get cancelled by PETA Had important co-ordinates Had shamefully unequal five- tattooed on hip by future point star tattooed on hip by resistance commander unskilled Selfridges employee Can be convinced to go along with someone’s plan after Is human pingu meme an impassioned speech Has the will and desire to Happy dying immediately survive a nuclear holocaust at the first sign of struggle
Blue eyes
Sleeps through important emotional moments
Thinks Sarah Connor and the Terminator should fuck already
If you too watched American Pie 2 at 9am on Sunday morning - instead of watching the new Adam Sandler movie which sits squarely in the centre of the ‘movies and basketball’ Venn diagram, the content of which would surely be relevant to your ‘movies and basketball’ newsletter - and you too thought ‘if nothing else, the soundtrack still bangs’, and you too were taken by this this delicate, almost imperceptible performance, and you too wondered what has become of this frosted tipped, piercing eyed, AI generated amalgamation of every 90s boy band member, and you too are on the autistic spectrum, then you too might be pleased to know that I went down this very rabbit hole, and am delighted to report that his name is Brett Shuttleworth, and he is a motivational speaker whose goal is to ‘to create a ripple effect of #love across the globe’.
If this made you worry that he’s moved too far away from the Pie verse and he must be disconnected from his promising acting skills, you’re hung up on nothing, he’s still got it. Don’t doubt him again, his masterpiece is incorruptible. Journaling has profoundly impacted his life. He is no longer drinking out of his ego-ic cup. He does not perceive his reality to be based on a narrative created in his mind about how things are and how things should be. He records his videos barefoot, and he isn’t afraid to put them on camera, much like his vulnerability. His very emergence, his essence comes from silence. Through silence he has come to know his absolute truth, and I would have expected nothing less given his almost wordless performance in American Pie 2.
All this to say, I watched all eleven videos in his ‘Become Your Higher Self’ Youtube series and I could not ascertain any information as to whether he and Tara Reid still keep in touch. I don’t know why I did any of this either.